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Letting Go

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letting-go.jpgLetting Go

In a little over a week my daughter will graduate from high school. I am trying to remain calm and it’s been somewhat easy because there is so much to do.

But there have been moments.

Like when I was searching for an old email and came across the video of her performing at an awards show where she totally rocked the house. It was an upbeat song but I cried from the first note all the way through the end. Or the moments that have been coming more often as the day draws near that I panic and think, did I spend enough time with her? Have I imparted all I wanted to tell her? Have I equipped her with what she will need to go out into this world without me?

Oh. My. Goodness. SHE IS GOING INTO THE WORLD WITHOUT ME!

At the risk of sounding like every other mom on the planet, how did this happen? Wasn’t she just in kindergarten?

And then it hits me, she’s going to be fine, it’s me we are going to have worry about!

On the first day of kindergarten I dressed her in her school uniform, tried to tame the wild curls that sprung from her head, buckled her in her car seat and set off for school. All the way there I kept telling her that it was going to be so much fun and everything would be ok. We arrive at the school. I hold her precious little hand in mine and we walk in. We stop in the doorway of her class, I kneel down to her and we peer in. I try to stay composed, but the reality of what is about to happen hits me and the tears come, she looks at me and says, “it’ll be ok mommy”. The teacher comes over and greets her…and then it happens.

She lets go of my hand.

Without as much as a look back over her shoulder, she joins the class. I stand in the doorway, waiting, willing her to turn around and notice that she is apart from me. But she doesn’t and the teacher gently tells me she will see me at pick up and that everything will be ok.

You see I had prepared myself for her tears, her little arms wrapped around my neck, grasping tight as the teacher tried to pry her from me. I had not been prepared for my tears, my arms wanting to wrap around the door frame of the classroom only to be pried away by the teacher.

So here we are again. In a few months we will take her to college. We will stand in the doorway of her dorm room, she will be greeted by her suitemates and then, it will happen.

Only this time, it will be me letting go.

I will take comfort in knowing that no matter how much I love her, God loves her so much more...that while I may have to let go, He will be holding on.

It’ll be ok mommy.

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